It’s a thought that came to me the other night when I said “I’m Happy” in my last post.
Answer this for me:
When someone asks you “How are you?” do you say “I’m happy” or “I’m okay”?
I only realized I always answer either with: okay/ fine/ tired/ great/ stressed/ sick/ better than yesterday/ could be better. Sometimes I’ll admit I’m feeling a little down… But I never say “I’m Happy”.
I noticed that when I extend the question to someone else, their response is always something along the similar lines of: “I’m doing okay/ fine/ tired/ etc…”
Does no one ever say “I am happy” anymore? Does okay/fine/great = happy? And if we are happy, then why don’t we just say it? Why do we say something so… I don’t know, non-committal, like “I’m fine”?
Is it because it’s no longer the social norm to say “I’m feeling happy today, thanks for asking, how are you”? Is it because it could be taken as flaunting something someone else might not be feeling?
Now… I’m not saying that I’ve been unhappy but does not being unhappy automatically mean you’re happy? I know what I felt the other night with my friends was genuine happiness and I don’t feel that every day. If I’m not unhappy nor am I feeling genuinely happy then what am I feeling most days? Apathetic? Neutral? Do my bursts of energy count as happiness? Or is that just excitement over whatever it is that caught my attention?
I think it’s kind of sad. How many days have gone by and I just coasted through? How many days have passed and I didn’t take advantage of being able to feel something positive? Sure around company you can laugh when something’s funny, feel sad or disappointed when the situation calls for it, but once you’re alone what do you feel?
And, I’m not saying you have to tell everyone ‘I’m happy’ all the time or even feel happy every day. I know there are those days when you’ve just reached your limit, but why do I feel as though the majority of the people today are only “okay” most of the time when they could be feeling better by being “happy”? Why do I feel as though this society we live in is prone to looking towards the negative instead of the positive? (I know I’m prone to doing that and it’s something I’ve been trying (and failing) to change)
Hell, I could be making myself a happier person but for some reason I thought I was comfortable with how I was. After the other evening, I know I’d rather feel like that on most days instead of how I’ve been feeling until now.
Am I making any sense or am I just over thinking everything like I usually do (I swear, sometimes it sucks living inside your mind). It might be a little sad, but to be honest with you, I had a good cry about all of this. I think I worried myself because I have gone through bouts of feeling extremely sad for months on end for no apparent reason and I thought that maybe, just maybe, I convinced myself that I was happy when I wasn’t. Maybe that is the case and I’m in denial, I don’t know. Maybe I just settled for feeling “alright” all the time because it’s easier being apathetic about everything… I’m honestly lost…
What I do know is: since I’m aware of how I want to be feeling on a more regular basis, I’m going to work towards that. I don’t want to coast through life the way I have been. I want to be happy. And not the “I’m okay” ‘happy’ either. I want the real ‘happy’.
What do you think? Am I crazy?
I’m probably crazy…